OK, here's the deal: I am sort of tired of addressing Christmas stuff. I know, I know. However, there are plenty of other things going on that we need to address on this blog; otherwise, who will? It's a very good thing we started this, no?
Without further ado...
Without further ado...
The Top 5 Signs I Am Too Old
1. I am George Washington.
2. I found somewhere between 15-15,000 GRAY hairs in my beard this morning.
3. Today I answered a question in class with "I'm going to need to deliberate this matter further and get back to you." And I wasn't trying to be funny.
4. I don't stand and yell at sporting events anymore.
5. I read the NY Times in my boxers while I drank coffee this morning.
-On my floor, the RA put up presidents that coincide with our room number. So, I am in room 901. The first president was George Washington. Thus, I am George Washington. Perfect. I would have rather been John Adams, but that's my roommate. George Washington's presidency was overrated. His accolades as a war hero are warranted. But his presidency...strikingly mediocre.
-Really? Grays? And I looked again literally about 15 minutes ago...and I would go so far as to say that my beard is at least 25% gray with some random red hairs as well. I don't understand. It's troubling.
-I said that (#3) because that's what I meant. I could have just said "hmm...can I think about it and get back to you?" But no. I had to say it all...professorially (did I just make up that word?). Everyone thought I was trying to be funny, but I really wasn't. People my age don't say stuff like that. Almost ever. Christ, I'm old.
-This (#4) was my first sign that my youth was officially dead. I used to scream and yell and clap and get animated. Now, I do none of that. I participate in the occasional standing ovation but not with any regularity. Instead? I sit there, play with my beard, roll up my program, and hold onto it for dear life. I am also convinced that this helps.
-This (#5) needs no further explanation. Suffice it to say, I did not read just the sports page and stop. I. Read. The. Entire. Paper.
Ugh.
1. I am George Washington.
2. I found somewhere between 15-15,000 GRAY hairs in my beard this morning.
3. Today I answered a question in class with "I'm going to need to deliberate this matter further and get back to you." And I wasn't trying to be funny.
4. I don't stand and yell at sporting events anymore.
5. I read the NY Times in my boxers while I drank coffee this morning.
-On my floor, the RA put up presidents that coincide with our room number. So, I am in room 901. The first president was George Washington. Thus, I am George Washington. Perfect. I would have rather been John Adams, but that's my roommate. George Washington's presidency was overrated. His accolades as a war hero are warranted. But his presidency...strikingly mediocre.
-Really? Grays? And I looked again literally about 15 minutes ago...and I would go so far as to say that my beard is at least 25% gray with some random red hairs as well. I don't understand. It's troubling.
-I said that (#3) because that's what I meant. I could have just said "hmm...can I think about it and get back to you?" But no. I had to say it all...professorially (did I just make up that word?). Everyone thought I was trying to be funny, but I really wasn't. People my age don't say stuff like that. Almost ever. Christ, I'm old.
-This (#4) was my first sign that my youth was officially dead. I used to scream and yell and clap and get animated. Now, I do none of that. I participate in the occasional standing ovation but not with any regularity. Instead? I sit there, play with my beard, roll up my program, and hold onto it for dear life. I am also convinced that this helps.
-This (#5) needs no further explanation. Suffice it to say, I did not read just the sports page and stop. I. Read. The. Entire. Paper.
Ugh.
7 comments:
1. You are old in comparison with the whippersnappers on your college dorm floor. You always were a Late Starter. Sigh. Grandpa.
2. If the beard depresses you, shave it off and grow the hair on your head! Make your mother happy for once.
3. Just be glad you know the proper usage of "further" rather than "farther" in this instance. Be proud of your vocabulary and syntax!
4. You're growing up! I'm so glad. And so are the people who paid to sit behind you. LOL.
5. Did you still make it to class on time? And with pants? If so, then NBD.
Realizing your getting old sucks. What really sucks is when you are checking out someone and thinking wow your are really good looking and then have the oh shit moment and think, I could go to jail....not really,but you get what I am saying.
I fought getting old until recently and then i had this moment and realized that being 31 isn't old. You are old when your life is fixated on the last time you took a shit ir when you preface your statements with "kids these days".
I know for a fact that you are younger than me and I'm 30. And there is a HUGE difference between getting old and growing up/maturing. You're just maturing. Although, you should be jumping around at sporting events still :) But I do remember being in that shit I'm old phase. It can be quite depressing. Don't worry, this too shall pass.
Halley, I fell ya on the checking out young guys...damn that sucks!!!
JPD- Sory about #4. I feel this is my fault. Over the years you watched me at sporting events just sitting there occasionally clapping and very seldom standing. I leave my seat one time to use the restroom in the fourth quater.
You have fallen into the same routine as me.
I'm sorry
Dad
Nance - The beard doesn't depress me. It's sexy. No big deal. Plus, the wind here is brutal. It's a necessity. And yes, I was in class, with pants.
Halley - Honest to God, I just pooped and told everyone about it. Brutal.And it wasn't like...bathroom humor...it was me literally talking about it with some concern. Ugh.
Nina - Don't stop checking out young guys. We like it. Makes us feel important. Gives us something to talk about. If you really want to make a youngster's day, send him a drink at a bar. That'll give him soemthing to talk about.
RWD - Don't be silly. I like watching games better that way and being able to calmly watch a game is better. And usually, during a Cavs game at the Q, I notice that I am sitting EXACTLY like you are. About 10 times a day I catch myself Being Dad...and that isn't a bad thing. I could do a lot worse and I like the way it feels.
Don't be dissing the original Geo, JPD! LOL I live in GW country. He was born in a neighboring county on one side of us and grew up in the neighboring county on the other side. When we have out-of-town guests, we always take them to GW's birthplace and his sister's home. There's also his mother's house nearby.
It's my understanding GW didn't really want to be president, his contemporaries/fans had to talk him into it. That usually doesn't work out as well as possible. Interesting piece of trivia ... once at a bar, we had a Brit tell us that Americans take credit for all this independence and, in fact, GW, the father of our country, came over from England. LOL We didn't bother correcting him ... just bought him another beer. ;-)
Sporting events ... no point in expending all that energy during the game. Now if you team wins ... then party hearty.
I think men have more gray in their beards usually ... not sure why. When my husband doesn't shave for a few days, he looks VERY old because of all the gray.
BTW, love the family repartee here. ;-)
JPD: Think of all those signs boasting "George Washington slept here." THAT should whip you out of zero gravity pretty fast.
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