We all know that sometimes, things don't live up to our expectations. And much of the time, it's no one's fault. It's just one of those things. Here then is a list of
Stuff That's Not As Good As We Think It's Going To Be
1. Going to a baseball game
2. Grocery store cupcakes
3. The beach
3. The beach
1. Okay, so, I'm talking about going to a Major League game here; my experience is with the Cleveland Indians. I always say I love going to the ballpark, and at first, that's true. Then, reality sets in. I forget that there is a constant humming undercurrent of noise. Hate that. Second, no matter where we sit, it is The Busiest Row In The Park. We are constantly getting up so that Beer Guy can go pee, Bored Child can go let off steam, and Yuppie Mom can go make phone calls and meet her ladyfriends. Third, there is no great color commentary! I really miss it. There is no one saying, "Carl, next up is Mort Slaptickle, who, as you know is seven for twelve when the Braves wear the blue sleeves in Cleveland. Also interesting to note is that Mort became a lefty when his grandma, the heiress to the Beechnut gum fortune, accidentally caught his right arm in the ice cream maker back when he was in the minors." Finally, no slowmo or instant replays of all plays. Oh, and if it's hot, raining, or too cold, you're screwed.
2. Grocery store cupcakes always look really good. They have terrific looking frosting which can even be piped on in a huge swirl. I am also a sucker for pink frosting on a cupcake which is, I know, ridiculous at my age. But cupcakes are hard to eat unless you have an enormous mouth and can get an even distribution of cake + frosting in each bite. Most times, I cannot, and I've even gotten frosting on my nose. Plus, most grocery store cupcakes have awful frosting that is the equivalent of sugar + Crisco. And, most grocery store cupcakes are dry. Ick.
3. The beach always sounds so relaxing and toasty warm, what with the waves and the sand and the sun. Which is, ironically, also precisely why the beach sucks. Sand gets everywhere and you will take it home with you and it will proceed to follow you wherever you go for the rest of your life. Inside and out. The waves, if they are in the ocean, will blast the sand at you and give you raw spots on your skin that will irritate you for days. Lakes are better, but mine is Erie, and let me tell you--there are bacteria warnings posted on our beaches more often than not. And at the beach, there is not a lot of shade to escape to, which means sunblock, and that means the sand will stick to you and do we really need to review that?
4. Every now and then I get a craving for pancakes. And then I remind myself that they are just not worth it. Because pancakes are not a food; they are a relationship. I cannot eat more than 3 bites of a pancake because then, it just has to be over. They are just too much. They're heavy, they're overly-sweet, they're huge, they last in my guts for days. If I could have a pancake the size of, say, half an English muffin, that would be super! But that pancake does not exist.
So what about you? What Stuff is never as good as you think it's going to be?