So, I am starting the second week of my last semester of college. Terrifying, I know. I had an incredible break at home with my family and friends and I didn't want to come back. However, there are things you miss. Friends, throwing the football in the hallway, and tearing down signs that your RA posts. Here are
5 Things I Missed About College That I Didn't Realize.
1. It is totally acceptable to run in the hallway at 3 AM for absolutely no reason.
2. You can say things that are incoherent, and somehow, everyone knows what you mean.
3. Not doing anything.
4. Being able to simply scream "FUCK!" and not have anyone panic.
5. The gender non-specific cashier at the Circle-K.
5 Things I Missed About College That I Didn't Realize.
1. It is totally acceptable to run in the hallway at 3 AM for absolutely no reason.
2. You can say things that are incoherent, and somehow, everyone knows what you mean.
3. Not doing anything.
4. Being able to simply scream "FUCK!" and not have anyone panic.
5. The gender non-specific cashier at the Circle-K.
Explanation:
1. Look, I can't explain it, but sometimes, I feel the complete and overwhelming urge to sprint down the hall. This is odd. Mainly because I. Hate. Running. I have never felt the urge to run. Mainly because I'm sure that it was that I HAD to run. Not that I COULD run.
1. Look, I can't explain it, but sometimes, I feel the complete and overwhelming urge to sprint down the hall. This is odd. Mainly because I. Hate. Running. I have never felt the urge to run. Mainly because I'm sure that it was that I HAD to run. Not that I COULD run.
2. My buddy Spinner gave me the following directions to the Sprint store which we were trying to find to get our friend Bower Tower's phone fixed: "Oh, dogg, I know where that place is. You do too. It's on the other side of that thing." I reply, "Word." I knew that the other side of the thing meant that I had to cross over Airport Highway. That's the other side. The thing is Airport Highway. Perfect.
3. No classes for MLK day. Solid. So I...sat around. I was worthless. Also, I ate an entire pizza. Large. Pepperoni. Cool Runnings was on TBS, so I watched it. In my underwear, with a Coke Zero. And when TBS re-ran it...I did it again. With a bag of Skittles and a Cherry Coke. What more could I ask for?
4. The other day, I realized that I had done laundry and that the laundry I had done was still damp. I pulled out a t-shirt I had planned to wear. It was soaking wet. I threw my head back and shouted "FUCK ME!" at the top of my lungs. About five minutes later I got a text from my neighboor reading "Solid?" I reply "Truth." He says "?". I say "wet laundry." He responds "brutal." This is what I'm talking about.
5. I have no idea what this person is. Real nice...guy? Girl? And it is named Kris. Kristopher? Kristen? Kristy? Nobody knows. And strangely, I'd like to keep it that way.
3. No classes for MLK day. Solid. So I...sat around. I was worthless. Also, I ate an entire pizza. Large. Pepperoni. Cool Runnings was on TBS, so I watched it. In my underwear, with a Coke Zero. And when TBS re-ran it...I did it again. With a bag of Skittles and a Cherry Coke. What more could I ask for?
4. The other day, I realized that I had done laundry and that the laundry I had done was still damp. I pulled out a t-shirt I had planned to wear. It was soaking wet. I threw my head back and shouted "FUCK ME!" at the top of my lungs. About five minutes later I got a text from my neighboor reading "Solid?" I reply "Truth." He says "?". I say "wet laundry." He responds "brutal." This is what I'm talking about.
5. I have no idea what this person is. Real nice...guy? Girl? And it is named Kris. Kristopher? Kristen? Kristy? Nobody knows. And strangely, I'd like to keep it that way.
4 comments:
First, I think the picture of Belushi from AH is a very nice touch!
This list made me nostalgic for my college days and youth, in general.
1. I think it's just the acting like a kid factor.
2. LOL No matter how old you get, you'll have that abbreviated "inside" lingo with friends.
3. Doing nothing is still something that is often quite appealing as a "mature" adult.
4. The F-bomb is definitely a cause for alarm in the world outside high school and college students. BTW, great way to deal with yourself on the laundry issue. LOL
5. Whether or not they are non-gender specific, there are some interesting cashiers in the world ... I remember a few specifically from my college days; e.g., the one at 7-11 who yelled "GET OUT OF THE STORE NOW!" when my roommate's boyfriend unknowingly broke the law opening his beer in the store. We didn't realize what we'd done wrong. After that we'd go in the store just to piss him off and try to get a reaction ... Halloween was always fun. ;-) As it turns out, he was also one of the maintenance guys at my apt complex ... he came to my rescue by removing the sink trap when I lost my contact down the drain. Alright, then I felt a little guilt for my past actions. He never let on that he knew us from 7-11 (a favorite late-night haunt ... life was much more boring back then!) when he was performing his maintenance man duties.
Since I have a son who is 21 and away at college, I really enjoyed your list. He can say something to his dad and me in his short-hand lingo that I completely understand (from previous conversations of this type), but his father has no clue on. I won't go on, but I am sure he could relate to everything on your list.
Shirley
LOL. Here’s what happens to that list a few years down the road:
1. It is not acceptable to run anywhere unless you are in a marathon.
2. You can still say things that are incoherent, but when you reach a certain age, everyone thinks Alzheimer has set in.
3. This can also be done outside of college. You just have to have your own abode, of course, before you can watch movies in your underwear while eating Skittles and drinking Cherry Coke. Adults do this, too, but they might upgrade the underwear to a bathrobe. In any case, if you are alone, you can do what you like. It’s only a problem if you are over 40, sitting in your underwear watching Court TV while snorting gin and eating pork rinds.
4. My problem is not letting the S-word slip in the classroom. Once when my students were all deeply engrossed in a rather difficult test, I suddenly discovered that I had accidentally erased an entire semester’s worth of grades from the Backpack archive. Forgetting where I was, I exclaimed “Oh, shit!” It wasn’t until the giggling subsided (this is in an all girls high school) that I realized I had said it out loud. Fortunately, one of my students said, “Well, it’s not like we’ve never heard that word before.” Indeed.
5. The gender non-specific cashier: I had a similar problem in college when I was the cashier and a frequent customer of the fast food establishment where I worked always showed up in full drag. I knew what was going on, I just didn’t know whether to address this customer as “ma’am” or “sir.” I eventually decided on “Can I help you?”
Ortizzle stole my Alzheimer's reference, but I might just add the fact that when I am incoherent, you, Jared, are the first one to criticize me rather than to find me charming, which I think I am.
As far as doing nothing, I think you accomplish that here at home plenty often. It's just that I remark upon it.
(Plenty often.)
nance - i get on you about it because you constantly hold yourself to such a high standard in terms of the spoken word. that, and its generally hilarious.
ortizzle - oh. god. i love gin and i love pork rinds. and i do enjoy nancy grace...on a number of levels. scary. the thing is, i dont ever want to upgrade to a robe. i like being in my underwear. pants/too much clothing is horrible.
shirley - the f-word is my favorite thing ever. verb, adjective, and you can put it with anything you want. for example, during the snow, i often say "we live in the shithole of hellfuck". and no, nobody knows what it means.
as for your college student, i hope i dont terrify you with my lists. keep in mind, i am my mother's child. worst case scenario, blame her. haha.
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