Happy New Year from Stuff. Once again, a new year has arrived, and I have not made a New Year's Resolution. I'm pretty consistent about that whole deal. I like to think that I'm on a Continuous Journey Of Self-Improvement, one that is not bound by Arbitrary Dates and the like. (Actually, that's a lot of bullshit. But bullshit that sounds really, really good.)
Mainly, I avoid the Spectre Of Failure whenever possible.
If I were going to make New Year's Resolutions, however, they would be the same ones every single year. The good thing about them is that they become far more realistic if you add in the Adverbial Qualifying Phrase* "probably not" between the helping and main verbs. I'll show you exactly what I mean by putting in the *AQP--in red--in the following:
Nance's Faux New Year's Resolutions
1. I will probably not exercise more.
2. I will probably not swear less.
3. I will probably not curtail my intake of Lay's Original Potato Chips.
4. I will probably not stop sweating the small stuff so much.
5. I will probably not stop obsessing over my hair so much.
6. I will probably not be more tolerant of republicans.
Now, all of these Resolves become excruciatingly calisthenic and tedious and nigh unto impossible should I actually undertake them to their ultimate success. But, with the magic of the AQP, they become sort of...well...kind of like the 30-year old guy who lives in his parents' basement and sells stuff on Ebay that he got real cheap at the flea markets on Saturdays. You know, kinda like a shrug of the shoulders, live and let live kind of thing. I mean, I'm always trying to do these 6 things, but sometimes, they just don't happen for me. I'd like 2009 to be my Breakthrough Year, but hey! It might not be. If not, there's always 2010.
5 comments:
I will *probably not* stop being such an S.O.B. (sarky old b----).
Or do any of the things on your list, they are all on my list as well! ;-)
Love the cartoon!!
Well, I suspected you would probably not swear less, considering the use of BS in your first paragraph. ;-)
I agree with all on your list except number 5 ... because I don't obsess over my hair. (Thank goodness ... I have enough other stuff to obsess over.)
In addition, I will probably not keep my car cleaner, get to bed earlier, visit MIL more, stop worrying about DS, or stop rolling my eyes.
gfe aka Shirley--Just TRY keeping me from my bed when I'm tired! Half the time Rick and I are nodding off at 8:30, saying, "What time is it? Is it too early to go to bed?" We are pathetic. And don't feel too horrid about your car; it could not be the rolling trashcan that Jared's almost always is.
Ortizzle--I unwisely cancelled my hair appointment last week. Immediately, my hair went into Impossible Mode. Now, who knows when I'll be able to get into my stylist's book. And I'm "growing out", so we all know what THAT means. Aaarrrggghhh.
I will *probably not* spend less money on food this year, but perhaps I'll spend it more wisely?
Who invented New Year's Resolutions? I like to set my own arbitrary dates!
jenomena--i don't even set dates. feh. what's the big deal?
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