We all know that sometimes, things don't live up to our expectations. And much of the time, it's no one's fault. It's just one of those things. Here then is a list of
Stuff That's Not As Good As We Think It's Going To Be
1. Going to a baseball game
2. Grocery store cupcakes
3. The beach
4. Pancakes
3. The beach
4. Pancakes
1. Okay, so, I'm talking about going to a Major League game here; my experience is with the Cleveland Indians. I always say I love going to the ballpark, and at first, that's true. Then, reality sets in. I forget that there is a constant humming undercurrent of noise. Hate that. Second, no matter where we sit, it is The Busiest Row In The Park. We are constantly getting up so that Beer Guy can go pee, Bored Child can go let off steam, and Yuppie Mom can go make phone calls and meet her ladyfriends. Third, there is no great color commentary! I really miss it. There is no one saying, "Carl, next up is Mort Slaptickle, who, as you know is seven for twelve when the Braves wear the blue sleeves in Cleveland. Also interesting to note is that Mort became a lefty when his grandma, the heiress to the Beechnut gum fortune, accidentally caught his right arm in the ice cream maker back when he was in the minors." Finally, no slowmo or instant replays of all plays. Oh, and if it's hot, raining, or too cold, you're screwed.
2. Grocery store cupcakes always look really good. They have terrific looking frosting which can even be piped on in a huge swirl. I am also a sucker for pink frosting on a cupcake which is, I know, ridiculous at my age. But cupcakes are hard to eat unless you have an enormous mouth and can get an even distribution of cake + frosting in each bite. Most times, I cannot, and I've even gotten frosting on my nose. Plus, most grocery store cupcakes have awful frosting that is the equivalent of sugar + Crisco. And, most grocery store cupcakes are dry. Ick.
3. The beach always sounds so relaxing and toasty warm, what with the waves and the sand and the sun. Which is, ironically, also precisely why the beach sucks. Sand gets everywhere and you will take it home with you and it will proceed to follow you wherever you go for the rest of your life. Inside and out. The waves, if they are in the ocean, will blast the sand at you and give you raw spots on your skin that will irritate you for days. Lakes are better, but mine is Erie, and let me tell you--there are bacteria warnings posted on our beaches more often than not. And at the beach, there is not a lot of shade to escape to, which means sunblock, and that means the sand will stick to you and do we really need to review that?
4. Every now and then I get a craving for pancakes. And then I remind myself that they are just not worth it. Because pancakes are not a food; they are a relationship. I cannot eat more than 3 bites of a pancake because then, it just has to be over. They are just too much. They're heavy, they're overly-sweet, they're huge, they last in my guts for days. If I could have a pancake the size of, say, half an English muffin, that would be super! But that pancake does not exist. So what about you? What Stuff is never as good as you think it's going to be?
11 comments:
I love your lists and am glad you posted something new.
As for pancakes, I used to hate them until a friend suggested using the belgian waffle recipe. What a light and airy treat that was. I will NEVER purchase a pancake in a restaurant especially since the ones I make are so fabulous. Wanna come over for breakfast?
Finnegans Wake by James Joyce. I want to love this book. I want to be the kind of person who can discuss this book knowingly. The book starts off--and ends--with some beautiful poetry. But it's time to face the fact that I'm not enough of a polyglot to read this book with any significant degree of understanding.
I finally tossed my copy, the poor thing too badly mauled with scribbles to even be given to a new home.
And that, Nance, is what never is as good as I think it's going to be. Thank you for getting back to Stuff, we've missed it.
Phyll--Oh, thanks for the kind encouragement! It's so wonderful to be missed. Finnegans Wake is like The Wasteland, isn't it? But I was wise and never, ever picked either one up because, as I once said over at the Dept., I am the Rev. Dimmesdale of Bad Books. I am a resolute Bad Book Finisher, Phyll. I will flagellate myself with the onus/albatross of that Bad Book if it takes me forever. I saw the aforementioned BB's for what they were and NEVER EVER GOT STARTED WITH THEM, and for an English teacher saddled with the guilt of "those are Classics and I should read them", believe me, it was HARD! Thank goodness I had the guts to stay strong.
Caroline--What lovely compliments, and a breakfast invitation to boot! Make it brunch (I am slothful by nature and cannot even think of food until at least 11 am), and you've got yourself a guest. I have a Belgian waffle iron--nifty flippy gadget that we love--but do you mean to tell me that I can make the batter do double duty as pancakes too? GET OUT! If I can custom-make itty bitty airy flapjacks, then I am in business. You are my new favorite Stuff commenter/reader TODAY NOW. Bless you.
Movies--They can make them look so good with the trailers and then you go to them and you think, is this the same movie? How come it was so funny or moving, etc. in the trailer and it's usually none of those things when you watch it on the big screen? Or even when you rent the DVD actually. We haven't been to a movie or rented anything in many months.
TV shows--Similar to movies, the TV guys have done a good job of hyped-up previews and you watch the show and you're like, that's it? That was the big secret/shocker, etc. This is what I stayed up for on a "school night"? Pleeeeease.
Desserts in average restaurants--Okay, being gluten free, there usually aren't many I can enjoy, but you get your mind set on a hot fudge sundae and it comes, and it's just mediocre at best. Cheap ice cream and not the best hot fudge. Very disheartening. Applebee's has the best concept on size though. Theirs is very small, so just right in that regard. Sort of like your desire for just a few small bites of a good pancake, Nance. Of course, I know they are making a killing on the smaller portions, but I prefer them.
Margaritas--Do you know how many bars don't know how to make a good margarita?
Shirley
I have to agree with most of this post. Except most baseball games that I've gone too were more fun than I thought they would be. I've been lucky enough to have good weather for all of them though.
The take-away beach sand is so annoying!! But it's still worth the overall experience.
I could not agree more about grocery store cupcakes. They are okay. After all they do have frosting, but they're usually never as good as homemade or from a really good bakery.
And pancakes!! I have to come up with a recipe that cuts the portions. You're so right! It's just too much. I'll have to work on a micro-mini pancake.
Grocery store cupcakes are the worst. I have to see a box of them almost daily for some kid's birthday treat.
I make lovely little pancakes. No one like big ones around here. But I agree with you about the beach. The hassle is too much for the show.
My item for the list would be hangover remedies. They never work fast enough or well enough. Of course the ultimate remedy would be to not NEED a rememdy, but I'm just keeping it real here.
PS: I hope your co-writer comes back!
Coffee -- I love the stuff but it never tastes as good as it smells.
Porn movies -- don't ask.
J.--I avoid a hangover by taking one of my prescriptions for tension headaches and a glass of water before I go to bed. That and my mantra of "Never go to bed on a red" (wine)is my preventative. RE: your PS...I do, too. He's busy and his priorities are...different right now. I'm glad he's putting school/senior thesis first, but he also kind of forgot about this a bit. He's 24; it happens.
Anali--Of course, we can all MAKE our OWN pancakes, but who wants to do that? I want to go out for A PANCAKE THAT IS SMALL. why is that so much to ask?
Shirley--you know, I almost added "Oscar winning films" to this list. I saw Slumdog Millionaire and was disappointed. I mean,it was okay--I'd give it a C+, but it was by no means Oscar material. Now, Revolutionary Road--that was much,much better, but still, I felt that DiCaprio was weak in it. Sigh.
Mary G--Oh, I adore coffee. Now porn...LOL. No story; might as well look at an anatomy text. LOL.
My chili doesn't come into its own until the second day, but it smells so good when it's cooking.
Makeup, esp. foundation. I foolishly buy into the hype and hope for a dramatic improvement but nothing really changes.
Dog ownership.
V--I learned my foundation lesson about 12 years ago and stopped paying big bucks for Estee Lauder. Now I stick to Revlon and make sure to use a moisturizer (also cheap: Oil of Olay for sensitive skin. I swear by it. It's wonderful.) I love animals, but am happy now to be petless. Oh, every once in a awhile I do miss TravisCat, who was good company, but the hair and the care and the responsibility--forget it. And the dog who stayed with us for about 6 weeks...well, let's just say it was an experience. Sigh.
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