Nobody is perfect and we all enjoy different things. I get that. Also, I am not so self-centered as to think that everyone enjoys, or should enjoy, the same things that I enjoy.
However, there are some things that people do that make me scratch my head and go "why?" Here is a list of activities that people enjoy...and I cannot figure out why:
5 Things People Enjoy That I Don't
1. Running
2. Convertibles
3. Halo
4. Rain
5. Sledding
Follow me here...
1. Running has to be my least favorite thing. Is something/someone chasing me? No? Then I'll walk, that's fine. It is sweaty, and it makes your legs, back, and sometimes lungs hurt. I'm sorry, but if I want to inflict pain on myself, I'll watch a Cubs game and punch myself in the face 100 times. Plus, there is something discomforting about setting out on a fast-paced journey all the way to...where I started? I'm confused.
2. I guess convertibles look cool. Sorta. But how can you enjoy trying to drive while the wind barrels down on you like you're on a roller coaster? They are a climate nightmare as well. If it is hot and you have the top down, IT'S STILL HOT. If it is cold, you cannot put the top down. Also, what if it begins to rain and you are on the highway? You're gonna pull over and put the top up? That just sounds dangerous. Plus, all that drag cannot be good for gas mileage. Simply having these things to think about during my ride would stress me to the point of no return. I would simply get in the car and say "eh, fuck all that, I'll just ride with the top up." And if I am dying for a stiff breeze, I'll borrow my mom's hair dryer.
3. Full disclosure: I am terrible at Halo. And that may be why I don't get it. But also, there's nothing to gain from it. It is a time hog, and if you win, there's no proof. At school people used to LOVE to play Halo. It caused more arguments than anything, and it always made at least one person completely irate when he lost. And the winner? Well, he got a ton of money, fame and recognition. False. He did not. (True, you could say some of the same things about fantasy football which I am in love with desperately. However, you CAN win money and gain some recognition on a large level depending upon who you are and who you are playing with. I am in a league with some notable experts from aroud the country. It also makes watching the actual games more enjoyable. Also, at least it is based on things that happen in real life.)
4. If you're one of those people who say you love walking in the rain, this is me giving you an out. Admit here, in the blogosphere, that you're lying. Because you are. It isn't romantic. It isn't relaxing. It's...wet. And sloppy. And potentially dangerous. Please, stop trying to seem thoughtful. Or "deep." Thoughtful people have the wherewithal to wait for the rain to stop.
5. Again, sledding is an activity that is wet, sloppy, definitely dangerous, and more work than it is worth. First, you go down the steep hill next to other people who, like you, have ZERO CONTROL over where the thin piece of plastic between them and the snow is going. And as an added bonus, you get to then haul your wet, tired self BACK UP THE HILL WHILE YOU HOLD YOUR CHARIOT! What? I'm not trying to be dramatic or employ hyperbole here, but...every time I see someone carrying his sled back up the hill, I cannot help but think of Jesus carrying his own cross. Also, have you ever had snow inside your shoes? Your gloves? Your hat? Well, if you haven't, or if it's been a while and you're dying for discomfort, please, go sledding. Even when I was little, I hated it. Fuck snow. Also, look around you. When you go sledding, if you are over 12, there is a 99% chance that you (or someone you are with) are the oldest person there.
I am not saying that people shouldn't enjoy these things. I am simply letting everyone know that I don't get it. Please, try to explain these things to me. Just do me one favor-- do not say things like "you should try it again!" or "get in touch with your childhood!" I can do that AND stay dry. If I want to be thoughtful and youthful, I will simply wait until it rains or snows and throw in a Disney movie and try to find symbolism or gender characterization, or some sort of overt, poorly hidden sexual innuendo or imaging, or links to communism, or something.
Thoughts?
--
JPD
However, there are some things that people do that make me scratch my head and go "why?" Here is a list of activities that people enjoy...and I cannot figure out why:
5 Things People Enjoy That I Don't
1. Running
2. Convertibles
3. Halo
4. Rain
5. Sledding
Follow me here...
1. Running has to be my least favorite thing. Is something/someone chasing me? No? Then I'll walk, that's fine. It is sweaty, and it makes your legs, back, and sometimes lungs hurt. I'm sorry, but if I want to inflict pain on myself, I'll watch a Cubs game and punch myself in the face 100 times. Plus, there is something discomforting about setting out on a fast-paced journey all the way to...where I started? I'm confused.
2. I guess convertibles look cool. Sorta. But how can you enjoy trying to drive while the wind barrels down on you like you're on a roller coaster? They are a climate nightmare as well. If it is hot and you have the top down, IT'S STILL HOT. If it is cold, you cannot put the top down. Also, what if it begins to rain and you are on the highway? You're gonna pull over and put the top up? That just sounds dangerous. Plus, all that drag cannot be good for gas mileage. Simply having these things to think about during my ride would stress me to the point of no return. I would simply get in the car and say "eh, fuck all that, I'll just ride with the top up." And if I am dying for a stiff breeze, I'll borrow my mom's hair dryer.
3. Full disclosure: I am terrible at Halo. And that may be why I don't get it. But also, there's nothing to gain from it. It is a time hog, and if you win, there's no proof. At school people used to LOVE to play Halo. It caused more arguments than anything, and it always made at least one person completely irate when he lost. And the winner? Well, he got a ton of money, fame and recognition. False. He did not. (True, you could say some of the same things about fantasy football which I am in love with desperately. However, you CAN win money and gain some recognition on a large level depending upon who you are and who you are playing with. I am in a league with some notable experts from aroud the country. It also makes watching the actual games more enjoyable. Also, at least it is based on things that happen in real life.)
4. If you're one of those people who say you love walking in the rain, this is me giving you an out. Admit here, in the blogosphere, that you're lying. Because you are. It isn't romantic. It isn't relaxing. It's...wet. And sloppy. And potentially dangerous. Please, stop trying to seem thoughtful. Or "deep." Thoughtful people have the wherewithal to wait for the rain to stop.
5. Again, sledding is an activity that is wet, sloppy, definitely dangerous, and more work than it is worth. First, you go down the steep hill next to other people who, like you, have ZERO CONTROL over where the thin piece of plastic between them and the snow is going. And as an added bonus, you get to then haul your wet, tired self BACK UP THE HILL WHILE YOU HOLD YOUR CHARIOT! What? I'm not trying to be dramatic or employ hyperbole here, but...every time I see someone carrying his sled back up the hill, I cannot help but think of Jesus carrying his own cross. Also, have you ever had snow inside your shoes? Your gloves? Your hat? Well, if you haven't, or if it's been a while and you're dying for discomfort, please, go sledding. Even when I was little, I hated it. Fuck snow. Also, look around you. When you go sledding, if you are over 12, there is a 99% chance that you (or someone you are with) are the oldest person there.
I am not saying that people shouldn't enjoy these things. I am simply letting everyone know that I don't get it. Please, try to explain these things to me. Just do me one favor-- do not say things like "you should try it again!" or "get in touch with your childhood!" I can do that AND stay dry. If I want to be thoughtful and youthful, I will simply wait until it rains or snows and throw in a Disney movie and try to find symbolism or gender characterization, or some sort of overt, poorly hidden sexual innuendo or imaging, or links to communism, or something.
Thoughts?
--
JPD
4 comments:
Convertibles: I can see your point about how annoying it would be to own and drive a convertible. That said, I enjoy the hell out of riding in convertibles when the weather is good. I find it relaxing. I like to relax and close my eyes with the sun shining down on me and the wind blowing through my hair. It's just comforting to me. That said, I don't know if it would be worthwhile to actually own and drive one.
Rain: Rain can be excellent for cooling a place down after a hot streak. That said, the only time I enjoy walking in it is when I'm really stressed out. Somehow it helps me forget about the annoying crap I have to deal with.
Sledding: I love sledding. But then again, I love most things that involve speed, heights, adrenaline, or a mild amount of danger. Skiing, sky diving, bungee jumping, the flying trapeze, etc. Maybe I'm just addicted to adrenaline, but I love barreling down the side of a hill on a thin piece of plastic, and I enjoy the game of having to barrel off of said plastic to avoid running into someone or something.
No one actually enjoys running--there are just many masochists.
1. Running. Absolutely and completely agree with you. Ow ow ow. Tiana nailed everyone's thoughts on this subject.
2. I once had a Nissan 300ZX with really cool t-tops. The only time I ever drove the car with no t-tops was from the day someone broke into the car and stole them until the day I bought new ones to replace them. I am all about climate control where I can be (house, car, office), and the sun and wind and temperature cannot be controlled in a convertible. No thanks.
3. I have hated all video games since the invention of Pong. (Yes I am that old.) My eye-hand coordination for this sort of thing is not good, as there is not enough logical correlation between what the controls do and what actually happens on the screen in front of you. And I don't care if I beat a machine. What a colossal waste of time.
4. I don't like walking in the rain and getting wet. Isn't that why UMBRELLAS were invented?
5. Sledding is pointless. I hate all aspects of real winter (snow, ice, sleet, ice, giant coats, more ice, idiot drivers on snow and ice). I used to live in Chicago. Now I live in southern California. We have fake winter. No ice, except in cocktails, where ice belongs.
J--My thoughts on these topics are well-known. This will not, however, stop me from reiterating them here. Quelle surprise!
1. I have yet to see any "runner" look really fulfilled while engaged in this act. Ick.
2. I have written about this over at the Dept. someplace already. Basically, I HATE WIND. 'Nuff said.
3. My ideal video game has not yet been invented, and here it is: you wander down a lane with a basket. You look for cute, fluffy bunnies. You find them, plop them in the basket. You can name them. You can "virtually" pet and feed them. You take them to a Happy Bunny Farm. That's it. Why can't Wii or PS Eleventy get on that? I'd buy it.
4. Look, I am all about rain for my herbs and my fishpond. Period. Nothing is more ridiculous than to hear some Goth creative writing kid tell me "I love to walk in the rain." Bullshit. No. You don't. Your eyeliner will run, and so will your KoolAid-dyed hair streak. Get Over Your Self. And hurry.
5. Oh why do ANY winter "sports" exist? My ideal winter sport is sitting indoors in a toasty warm house while someone else clears my driveway with the bigass snowblower and heats the car up before I have to get in it to drive to the airport TO GO WHERE IT IS WARM.
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