Monday, April 12, 2010

I Have Seen The Enemy And The Enemy Is...Delicious

Sometimes, the thought of an entire meal overwhelms me. I'd rather just snack, or graze, as some people call it. Often, though, this turns into the sad and horrifying spectacle of me shovelling mass quantities of the snacky food into my gaping maw. What is it about some foods that just make us completely lose control? Here are my own personal

5 Dangerous Food Nemeses

1. Lays Original Potato Chips
2. Fresh Guacamole
3. French Fries
4. Garlic Bread
5. Shrimp Cocktail

Okay. The simple act of looking at the nouns listed above is driving me nuts right now. But for you, I will endure.

1. I have written about my unseemly adoration for Lays Original Potato Chips ad nauseum at my other place. I have been known to hide my Grownup Card and have only the Foldy Chips from an entire bag for dinner if I can't think of anything else that sounds good. I once made my husband hide the chips from me when I couldn't trust myself around them anymore. I hope the staff treat me kindly at The Home when I get there.

2. Last summer I discovered the ease of making fresh guacamole in a bigass Ziploc bag and let's just say that the Ziploc bag was not the only bigass thing until I got my addiction under control. But holy crap, I love that stuff! Do you know that for over 45 years, I had never tasted an avocado, let alone guacamole? I blame my mother for this, and I lived in a part of Ohio that had a significant Mexican population. When avocados go on sale, I get unnaturally excited. Just thinking about it makes me tear up. And store-bought guac sucks. Period.

3. First, let's agree to some basic terminology: those things at McDonald's are not French Fries. Not even close. Wendy's fries, yes. Burger King? I have no effing idea what those fakey things are, but French Fries they are not. They taste like generic, off-brand Pringle's. I love hand-cut, real-deal fries with both vinegar and ketchup, and don't be stingy with the salt, either. If you're an Ohio or Michigan reader, think Cedar Point's Berardi's fries. But, failing those, even good old Ore-Ida fries, deep-fried (don't bake your fries, come on!) and golden with the aforementioned condiments will see me through my jones.

4. More than once during my pregnancies, I made entire meals of garlic bread. I love good bread. When Rick and I plan a trip to Cleveland's West Side Market, we always make sure we go well before 10 AM, or all the bakeries are sold out of their gorgeous artisanal breads: asiago, rosemary garlic, kalamata olive, pepperoni, challah, and before they stopped making it, an astonishing chocolate cherry. If there is garlic bread served with a meal, though--warm, chewy, fragrant and buttery--look out. Forget the pasta for me. I'm parking next to the breadbasket and smacking the paws of anyone else who ventures a grab.

5. When I was little, my dad used to bring home the little teensy frozen glasses of individual shrimp cocktails. They were 99% sauce with about 5 miniscule shrimp in each one. I thought it was the most wonderful stuff in the world. I still love shrimp cocktail, and I'm forever just blown away that the shrimp are so much bigger and so much better. As a result, whenever cocktail shrimp appear, I act like it may very well be the last time in my entire life. But really--isn't shrimp cocktail terrific?

How about you, Stuff readers? What little snacky or grazing foods make you lose all control?


Jan Ross said...

I love PARTY FOOD. This is basically why I have parties; so I can scarf down a ton of those little meatballs and hot dogs, chips and onion dip, any of those Pampered Chef things you make with crescent rolls, etc. I love having them for lunch the next day. Or a snack. Or basically all day noshing. YUM.

gfe--gluten free easily said...

I'm with you on the potato chips. Completely irresistible.

Yes, good French Fries are the best food in the world. I make Ultimate fries (a recipe found all over the place online). They mostly take time, but they are divine.

Shrimp. I'm not a fan of shrimp cocktail so much (mostly because it often lacks flavor), but steamed shrimp is a favorite.

Roasted chickpeas. I'm sure it sounds strange, but once I make these, I have to eat them all. I just posted this recipe on my blog. Crunchy outside, softer middle, with fantastic spiciness (or flavoring of choice).

Pistachios. I have absolutely no willpower with them. Once the bag is open, I must eat them all. The only answer is to buy smaller bags of them ... only one at a time.

Boursin. Can't stop eating it once it's open.

Oh, there are more for sure, but that's enough!


Life at the Funny Farm said...

Hint of Lime Tostitos with good salsa or guacamole. This has been dinner more times than I care to name.

Garlic naan crispy from the toaster oven with spicy hummus. Also been dinner more times than I care to name.

Opposite Oreos (with the yellow cookie and chocolate middle). Like Shirley and her pistachios, once opened, the entire contents will be consumed. You will lose a finger if you try to interfere.

Cinnabon cinnamon rolls. Most people can barely finish one. I can eat more than that (a LOT more than that) and with truckloads of extra frosting. I stay away from the mall for a reason...

Ice cream. The perfect food in every way. If you think about broccoli for a moment while eating ice cream, you have all the food groups covered. Haagen-Dazs Vanilla Honey Bee is the nectar of the gods. I stay away from the frozen aisle for a reason as well.

There are other favorites, but these are the ones that set the salivary glands in motion, even now.

Nance said...

Life--I do love ice cream, but eating it makes me cold, no matter what. I am a sorry sight when I have to crawl under my blankie to nosh on Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby or Turkey Hill Peanut Butter and Chocolate. Sigh. And I am not much of a cinnamon roll gal, but my husband used to be a major breakfast pastry maniac, so he can relate. Also, he is smitten with the Golden Oreo.

Shirley--I keep seeing so many people make and talk of roasted chickpeas,and I am a huge fan of garbanzos and hummus,so I guess I'll have to try them. I like pistachios, but they are too worky for me, so you can have them. And I have a recipe for a boursin made with butter and cream cheese and garlic and fresh herbs...what's not to love?

Jan--Oh, I detest having parties, but there are lots of times we have party food for dinner. I make a bunch of sweet-n-sour meatballs and hotwings and a veggie & dip tray and we open a couple of bottles of wine and have at it. Those are the best dinners around here--usually Friday nights. Why get a lot of other people involved? LOL.

~Mikey~ said...

Anything Cold and Sweet: I have an extra bottomless stomach for anything in this category, including but not limited to ice cream, popsicles, fudgesicles, and Icees.

Kettle Chips: They actually print "sharing size" on the larger bags, but that doesn't mean I listen.

Oreos: Same as the last one. I could eat a whole bag (and gain a pound) in one sitting.

I need to lay off the dessert ;-)

Nance said...

Mikey--"Sharing Size"--ha! All potato chip addicts snicker at the thought. You know, when it comes to frozen cokes/slurpees/icees/slushes, I always had trouble with those. I love them, but constantly got the terrible frozen tonsils effect. So painful! No brain freeze, but my tonsils/throat would hurt so terribly that it just wasn't worth it anymore. Never happens with ice cream or sorbet or milkshakes, just those ice drinks.

Karen Schlesinger said...

Ah, Nance. You have just reminded me why I want to be a raw vegan! All those cravings just magically disappear. But, I admit, guacamole is now a staple in my diet...and yes, I can still lose weight!

Funny how The Home looks about the same today as it did in 1666!

Nance said...

Karen S.--Hi! Nice to see you here, too! We picked up 6 avocados yesterday for an astonishingly low price and I nearly teared up. Perhaps The Home looms larger than I think...! Hee hee.


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