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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Ode To The News


We carry each other. We help. We pick each other up when the other just cannot bring himself or herself to do it.

Am I talking about family? Absolutely. But I am also talking about things here at Stuff. When my summer took a nasty little turn for the worse (due mostly to me steering it into The Tree of Life), Nance picked up my slack and posted the bulk of the entries for the summer months. And now, I return the favor. Readers, I regret to inform you that there is a chance that there will be a slew of JPD posts.

Why? You deal with 140+ kids, 90+ degree heat, 90% humidity, and construction five days a week after a summer without them. See if you have the gusto left to post a thoughtful salvo on the world as you see it. Promise you, you won't. That's where I come in.
And thanks to CNN and MSNBC, I've been looking at the world plenty from my spot on the couch when I'm not within the confines of my retail prison.

So, here are my
Top Five Favorite News Stories Right Now

3. NFL football.
4. Town hall madness--no link needed. Duh.

Each of these has its own merits. Let's examine, shall we?

1. Wow. They skipped steroids, hormone supplements, and any other form of cheating and just flat out insulted this person. I think that my favorite part is where it says that they are not treating it as cheating, but as a "gender issue." Um...excuse me? Isn't participating as a woman when you are really a man sort of the ultimate cheating? The worst part is that no matter what, this gender-nonspecific athlete cannot sleep even if she is a woman. If she hadn't done anything wrong, she could basically say "Fuck you, I know I'm right. I'll sleep easy". But now she has to think, "Oh. My. God. I train for years and years for this one moment, and all anyone thinks is that I am uber mannish." I hope she (?) is cleared. Or do I?

2. BILL! How much do you love this man? Seriously? I never really realized how amazing he was until my mother began to adore him so adamantly. But she is right. He just said, "OK, to hell with this. I'm going in. And I'm coming back with these two women." (Insert joke here). For months this thing was not solved. Billy does it in a day. If there was no term limit, is there any doubt that he would still be Prez? My biggest regret politically (aside from voting for Bob Dole in a 6th grade mock election "to be different") is that I never got to vote for him.

3. Oh my god, football. It seems like forever since I was able to watch a game. To smell the way the air smells during football season. To wake up slightly hung over, roll out of bed, get a coffee, and settle in for 10 hours of pigskin purity. It is glorious. And I refuse to let Brett Favre (the anti-christ?) ruin it for me. And for the record, GO CHIEFS! (Eagles over Chargers for the Super Bowl crown.).

4. It has become... hilarious. Watching these "adults" show up and act a fool in the name of their "rights" and their views on things is one of the most unintentionally hilarious things of all time. Do they really think that they matter? Because uh...they don't. Can you imagine that conversation?

Child: What are you gonna do today, dad?
Dad: I'm going to head over to that town hall meeting and act like a jackass. Maybe I will get on CNN.
Child: Why?
Dad: Uh...

5. THIS IS PERFECT. Flawless, really. This guy's life was so mundane, so awful, that he pretended he was dead. The hitch? When everyone realized he was NOT dead, HIS LIFE ACTUALLY GOT WORSE! On one hand it is sad that he felt he had to do this to better his standing in life. He, on some level, really thought that he and the world would be better off without him. Now, he is without the world, and the world without him, but now he has to deal with something that there is no way that he foresaw...HE IS ALIVE AND HAS TO WATCH IT ALL PLAY OUT! Am I the only one that thought "this is fantastically hilarious" instead of "how tragic" or "what an idiot!"? Doubtful.

So what is going on in today's wild world that makes you giggle? Makes you want to make a difference like Bill? What catches your eye when you go to the paper or turn on CNN with your morning beverage? Do share!
--
JPD

4 comments:

gfe--gluten free easily said...

It's good to see you back, JPD. Doesn't look like the retail prison has hurt you at all! Before I go on, I will definitely miss Nance, but I've been woefully neglectful in visiting Stuff and Nance's other blogs of late anyway. :-( I'm surprised she can even get out of bed in the mornings to face that mess daily. I end up leaving work early when they paint or do roofing for ONE day. I think some federal group that protects workers needs to be called in. OSHA violation out there anywhere, perhaps?

Now, as far as this listing. I'm dismissing the sports ones (as in not commenting on them) ... usually not my thing.

Sorry ... not a big fan of Bill's in general, but really glad he pulled that one off. My favorite Bill is Daryl Hammond on SNL.

We have boards of supervisors meetings around here. One guy wanted to videotape one recently and it got nixed "for security reasons." Truth be told, it's probably a good thing that those aren't being recorded for posterity.

The faker ... just when you think you've heard of the most stupid people in the world, a new one pops up! Hard to sympathize IMO.

Lots of local stuff here ...

They just spent a couple of million renovating our former high school and turning it into a middle school. We got a good rain last week, the roof leaked, and the building was largely flooded. We had another good rain this evening ... hmmm.

Big drama playing out because Wal-mart plans to build a super center on Civil War battlefield area that has not yet been purchased and incorporated into protected land. After months of public hearings and debate, the project was approved. Now the public is hoping Wal-mart will come to its senses (ha ha, Wal-mart only sees cents). One person wrote a letter to the editor this week suggesting that research should be done to determine if Sam Walton had ancestors in the Civil War and where they fought. A similar battle was fought years ago when Wal-mart wanted to build on the Ferry Farm property, GW's boyhood home. They lost that time or pulled out due to public pressure--can't recall exactly.

All for now ... hope you get some more exciting responses than mine! Again, glad you're back and best to Nance!

Shirley

JPD said...

GFE-- youre back! and with a fury i might add! good to hear from you. i knew a lot of our loyalists wouldnt necessarily identify with the sports ones, but i couldnt help it. thats why i threw the others in there.

the renovation story is hilarious. mostly because i am not a taxpayer there and dont have to deal with the headache. but its wonderful stuff from a distance.

i would like to thank you for helping to prove that wal-mart is the world's leading retailer of apocalypse.

in regards to nance, she isnt GONE persay. i just figured i would relieve her for a while. plus, her shoulders had gotten heavy from carrying STUFF for so long. haha.

thanks for the comment and its good to have you back as well. thanks for the kind words.

--
JPD

Nance said...

I'm sorry, but I cannot find humor in the Town Hall Travesties. I have commented on them at length over at the Dept. as to what I think should happen. I would make an ill-chosen comment regarding non-existent Death Panels and some of these wackadoos, but...never mind.

Personally, I think the news is so bereft of things deserving of mention that they are having to lean on whether or not Michelle Obama should deplane from Air Force One in shorts in 90degree heat from *A VACATION!!, and the ongoing saga of the still-dead Michael Jackson. I'd rather they just shut the hell up instead.

gfe--gluten free easily said...

Thanks, JPD. LOL on being back "with a fury."

Ah, Nance, you're always the voice of reason. Just wanted to add that I have so blocked out the town halls on the national health care plan that because JPD did not reference that, my brain didn't even go there. I was talking about local meetings in general, so, duh, on my part.

The Michelle O'bama shorts issue was ridiculous. I always wonder what broadcasters like Walter Cronkite did back in the day when they didn't have enough news to cover. Well, I think there really are lots of worthy news stories out there, but ratings indicate that more viewers are attracted by the "celebrity" fashion and tabloid journalism type stories.

Shirley

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