Our world is a confusing place, and even though I'm pretty damn smart, there are a few things that I have to admit I just don't get. Oh, I'm not talking about the usual Big Stuff, like republicans and geometry and why some hysterical Wrinklies are all steamed up about Health Care and a Public Option when they have been happily subscribing to Medicare and riding free scooters from Wilford Brimley all this time. No, I'm talking aboutRandom Stuff I Just Don't Get
1. The Emphasis On Women's Feet
2. The Bathtubs In The Cialis Commercials
3. Shelf Paper
4. The Big Deal About Breakfast
5. People Doing A Lot Of Stuff Outdoors
So, after I work 'em, maybe you can help me out.
1. First of all, what is up with all these (primarily male) photographers in magazines like Vanity Fair and Entertainment Weekly and whatnot taking photos of female celebs in frou-frou gowns and bare feet? Or the Sally Field commercials where she hawks Boniva and she and the little "granddaughter" are both barefoot? And all these products like a Ped-Egg where you grate off your dead skin into a receptacle? Holy crap. We're talking about FEET, people. Yikes. If I have to read one more Super Feminine Piece Of Bullshit in a magazine somewhere with the cutesy word "pedi" in it, I'll slit my wrist. For the record, I have never pumiced, Egged, had a pedicure, or any of that baloney. My heels are not cracked; my toenails are not polished. Leave my feet alone.
2. If Cialis is a medication to correct male erectile dysfunction, how is sitting in separate, clawfoot bathtubs out in the great wide-open an immediate product reference? Personally, I enjoy a nice, hot 45-minute soaker with a good book, a beverage, and dim lighting. ALONE. Sex in a regulation bathtub full of water is one of those "sounds romantic until you actually try it" things. The goofy thing here is that Cialis doesn't even try that metaphor. The couples are each in their own little tubs, barricaded from one another by enamel coated cast iron and some airspace. Huh?
3. I currently have this much shelf paper in my house: zero. Does anyone even use this stuff anymore? When I first moved into my house 25 years ago, I was all about it. It was the thing to do. I'm not sure I understood why, but my mother and my mother-in-law and my grandmother-in-law were pretty damn firm regarding shelf paper. WTF? Wipe down the shelves, stack up your stuff, the end. Those of you that do have it, how often have you replaced it? If you have, why?
4. I hope all of you are sitting down. I do not eat breakfast. EVER. And guess what? I live. OMG. Here is another Shocking Fact. No one in my home eats it. I come from a long line of Breakfast Shunners. I think all that Breakfast Is The Most Important Meal Of The Day crap is bullshit. I struggled to eat breakfast my entire life, and all it did was frustrate the hell out of my poor mother and make me nauseated for the first few hours of each day. She finally gave up and so did I. I went on to excel in school, reach my goals, attain my chosen career, and vote Democrat. Also, to marry a nice guy. So there.
5. Ladies and gentlemen, we have evolved as a civilized society to the point of creating shelters with roofs to protect us from the elements. This includes our conveyances, such as cars. Why then do people persist in having outdoor parties and weddings? Why do they choose to pay to eat outdoors at restaurants? Why do they fling themselves down super-heated asphalt roadways at the mercy of the elements? Why not take advantage of the science and technology that our intelligence and evolution have wrought? No. Instead, we must contend with wind, bugs, heat, humidity, and other natural inconveniences for...I can think of no good reason. NOT ONE.
What Stuff don't you get? Or...can you help me to understand any of this Stuff?
5 comments:
OK, here goes.
1. I like the emphasis on feet. I LOVE a pedicure because I love to have my feet rubbed and I love how pretty they look with bright polish. Plus I love shoes, hence - I love my feet. And I love to show them off. They are the one part of my body where I don't have to worry about looking fat.
2. I'm with you. Never understood those two weird bathtubs. Some spas have fabulous bathtubs with all kind of fancy stuff but I have never seen two like that. Outside.
3. I always was a shelf paper rebel. Just thought it was a stupid waste of time and money.
4. Ooooh, I LOVE breakfast. I love all breakfast food and can't go without breakfast. But I do have friends who absolutely can't stand anything to eat until late morning, so I don't think it's unusual. I don't judge. Just don't try to take away my frosted shredded wheat.
5. I JUST had dinner the other night with some friends on the patio of a downtown restaurant. And then rode home with one of them in her snazzy red convertible on a lovely and cool fall evening. So I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one.
I'm totally with you on the first three. Especially 2 and 3. But the others...
Breakfast can be absof***inglutely amazing when done right. And for many people, having something to eat in the morning helps them get ready to start the day better. Just because your body rejects food in the morning doesn't mean there's no room in the world for breakfast.
In downtown San Francisco, there's a Cheesecake Factory. This particular Cheesecake Factory is on the top floor of an eight story building and has an outdoor seating area with gorgeous views of Union Square, which has a giant Christmas tree and an ice skating rink during the holidays. So yes, I am happy to pay to have a nice meal outside, overlooking all of the holiday happiness. But only because the temperature will be in the sixties. Oh, won't you visit?
And there are gorgeous places to view the outside without dealing with many of the problems. The last time I was in Yosemite, we didn't have any bugs or humidity to deal with, and the temperature and wind were fine. Clearly, you need to get out of Ohio and come to California ;-)
Mikey--But my point about breakfast is that it isn't a big effing deal. I hate the Guilt of "What!? You DON'T EAT BREAKFAST!? Like I am some kind of idiot or freak who hasn't READ THE RESEARCH. My life has gone on--WITHOUT BREAKFAST--just fine. Lots of people's have. I have occasionally gone out to breakfast at like--oh, say, 10 or 11--after I've been up for a while. And it's been, okay. But it's just not my thing.
Now, as far as eating outdoors, I don't care if I'm in London and I'm looking at Daniel Day-Lewis performing Shakespeare. I'm not doing it. Not my thing. Oh, I might sip a glass of wine or a nice martini, but that does not count. Animals eat outdoors and compete for their food. I have evolved and I do not have to. So, I don't.
Jan Ross--(I love your photo with your cute orange turtleneck.) Okay.
1. No one could love shoes more than I do. I have 10 pairs of black shoes alone. But they cover my feet. I think that says it all.
4. When I was trying to gain weight, I had to try to eat some breakfast. I used to put frosted mini-wheats and milk in the microwave. that was pretty good, so we're on the same page with that.
5. re: the convertible. what did you do about your hair flying in your eyes and face? what did you do about hearing each other talk? the whole thing sounds like a nightmare to me. and after eating OUTDOORS. sounds like hell. good god.
I think the broad push for breakfast is mostly targeted at overweight and obese people. I feel as though I've heard that studies have shown that if people eat more often during the day, they'll feel more full and eat less in general, as well as having healthier eating patterns. And the big mistake people are making is not eating breakfast. Thus an overweight or obese person who hasn't been eating breakfast might develop better eating habits if they did.
But they can't have commercials saying, "You should only eat breakfast if you're obese," so they suggest it for everybody.
Maybe?
1. I like my feet rubbed by my husband and massage by my massage therapist and that's about it. That Sally Field commercial makes me absolutely crazy, but not because of the feet. I have to mute it just so I don't hear the crap about Big Pharma. Find out WHY you have bone issues, people ... don't just blindly take the meds.
2. Bathtubs in no way make me interested in sex. If I have a good bath, I'd be ready to go to bed to SLEEP afterwards. The same is true of a nice back scratch.
3. Shelf paper. Never used it. Stupid like you say.
4. I'm a breakfast eater. I feel much better if I eat breakfast, especially protein. Leftovers are my favorite breakfast--very nontraditional. I can't stomach a traditional breakfast first thing in the morning usually.
5. Well, we camp, so you can sort of figure that one out. Yet, if we go to a restaurant we usually opt for indoor vs outdoor seating. As hubby says, why sit outside by the street and breath in the car fumes? And, I'm not big on picnicking on a blanket on the ground, etc. ... so maybe I'm not that different from you.
Shirley
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