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Friday, September 18, 2009

Yeah, Yeah, I Know It's A Movie, But That Isn't My Concept Here


Ten Things I Hate About You

1. You have a big dog and let it jump on me when I come over.
2. You pronounce the initial "S" as an "SH" sound in words like "straight" and "street."
3. You listen to and believe Rush Limbaugh.
4. You keep saying "nucUlar."
5. You ask me about my vacation or weekend, then say "Wow. It must be nice."
6. You pull up next to me in traffic and keep your music blasting at arrhythmia-inducing levels.
7. You won't pull up your pants.
8. You let your children run around in a restaurant.
9. You let your dog bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark.
10. You don't care about anything and act amused that I do.

Thank goodness that this doesn't describe any one person, or I'd probably have to shoot myself that I actually know A person like this! But sadly, don't we all know people who bug the crap out of us and, on days when we just can't take it anymore, can send us to the moon if we don't take special care to avoid them?

Go on. Vent. We care; we really do.

9 comments:

Jan Ross said...

Things I hate that people say when I tell them I am a travel writer now.

1. Wow. Let me know next time you go on a trip and want someone to go with you - I would love to go! (I get this from virtual strangers.)

2. You are SO LUCKY. (Uh. Yeah. But I worked hard to make this job happen and it's not an easy job to do. So it's really more than luck.)

3. Must be nice. (Well, yeah. It is nice. Again, I worked hard to make it happen.)

But I can't complain. I'm going to Ireland for free next month. So, yeah. It IS NICE. But people can be so annoying, can't they?

Except us of course.

We are perfect in every way.

J. said...

Oh my! By the time I got to ten I couldn't believe that one person had all of these terrible qualities. But "You" in the universal way- Yeah, I this person to. Especially the kids in the restaurant part. I've got to deal with little ones all day. When I'm out, please tie them down!

Nance said...

J.--LOL. I KNOW! I've chatted briefly about this on other blogs that have discussed the phenomenon of the Desensitized Parents who, as long as their kids aren't killing each other, can calmly dine whilst their kids are wreaking havoc within the restaurant, even among other diners. It's absolutely awful. I wish parents would just take their kids to a Playland Restaurant and have a more Realistic View of what little Buffy and Biff are really like out in public.

Jan--as far as #1, I would probably say that just to indicate my goodnatured envy and admiration. Your new job is tres lovely, and I know you have worked very hard for it. Something like that doesn't just fall in the lap of the Average Jane who says aloud, "Wow. I like to go on trips. I want to be a travel writer" and someone sends them tickets and information. The rest of them, however, are really annoying. I have someone in my life who informs me that I am LUCKY that I have a good job (I am a teacher of English) and a good husband. As if I did not go to college and choose the right person to marry after thoughtful courtship and mature consideration. Oh no. IT JUST HAPPENED TO FALL INTO MY LAP. I paid for my college education to boot. I planned for my life goals. Sigh. Some people believe that life is something that just randomly must occur and it lurks around corners and takes one by surprise. Not so.

Mikey G. said...

...and the room empties.

JPD said...

the SH/S thing is one of my least favorite things ever.

one better on big jumping dogs...when you say "he wont bite". damn right he wont, because you are going to keep him the fuck away from me.

one time on a date, some kid ran up to our table and put his hand on it. i looked at him stearnly with my jeramiah johnson beard and said quitely, but with immense bass "sit. down. now." the kid criend. but he sat down. the parents were, not surprisingly, unmoved. my date? not terribly impressed.

Nance said...

Jared--I am not, as you know, a dog person, but I'm not a dog hater. All I ask is that those with dogs adopt a more realistic view of their pets and remember that not everyone wants a dog in his or her life, even for a moment. I'm very happy to wait for as long as it takes while a dog is corraled and put in the other room so that I can visit unmolested and without the constant threat of hair, slobber, nail gouges, crotch patrol, or any of the other inconveniences that many pet owners think are so adorable and inconsequential. Now having said all of that, I think corrals might be a nice idea for children dining out as well. Please have them soundproofed.

Mikey--Your neighborhood sounds...interesting. Do you think a gate will really stop them? It would have to be a very tall one. Now I'm worried about your safety. Please be careful. And, remember the wise words of Whitney Houston: Crack is wack.

Mikey G. said...

By a gate, we mean one of the big gates that closes off the entire front steps (that they can't climb over). And it would make them go somewhere else. They like going on basement steps because they think it helps them hide from the cops. If they can't get down our steps, they'll look for others.

Life at the Funny Farm said...

I especially like the people who tell me that I'm SO LUCKY that my kid is polite and has manners and is so well-behaved in public. Really? Lucky? It must have nothing to do with the fact that I consciously taught her how to behave in a civilized adult manner around other people from the moment she was born.

I also like the parents who have their screaming 2-year-old out somewhere (grocery store, restaurant, shopping mall, etc.) attempting to placate or bargain with them when the child obviously needs to be at home in bed for the night or for a badly needed nap.

But the biggest bane of my existence are the Oblivious Ones, those traveling around in their own private Idaho, who simply cannot see past the ends of their noses. The driver who doesn't see the parade of cars behind him. The idiot at the grocery store blocking an entire busy aisle. Someone who takes up two parking spaces in a crowded lot. The boss with a problem employee who ignores the entire issue for years. The list goes on and on. Those of us with a working brain see these morons everywhere. You almost have to hit them with a bat to get their attention.

But I'm not bitter...

Nance said...

Life--Good mentions, all. It's a Sad Fact that parenting is a Lost Art. As in: No One Does It Anymore. Kids seem to run the Show at home, and then extrapolate that behaviour to all other environments. I laugh and laugh when on Dr. Phil and other shows, parents look very serious and say things like, "My kid will only eat McDonald's." or "My kid won't get off the computer." Ridiculous. News Flash: You're the boss. Stop buying fast food and take the power cord and lock it away. Period. It's Your Issue if you cave in to the brats' ensuing whining and bitching. Be. The. Parent.

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