At the risk of showing my age, I remember stuff being a Whole Lot Better. Oh sure, there are plenty of things now that I am damn glad I have: a home computer, a hybrid car, Project Runway, just to name a few. But in my dotage, I find that there are more than a few times that I find myself thinking aboutStuff I Miss
1. No-hassle air travel
2. Mars bars
3. Good crayons and coloring books
4. Real TV schedules
5. Drinking soda
6. Cheap nylon bikini underwear
An eclectic list, I know, and one that cries out for explanation. Allow me:
^*^I can remember not so very long ago when I used to take two or three little trips a year to visit friends in Florida or Maryland or Chicago or Denver. As long as I bought my tickets about a month in advance, I could get away really cheaply, pack a decent-sized bag, and zip away with not a care in the world. I'd arrive at the airport about 45 minutes ahead of time with Rick and sometimes the boys in tow and they'd even wait with me at the gate! I could stroll through security--such as it was--in a comparative millisecond, walk onto the plane with a full meal and full-size toiletries in my bag and jet off. Forget all of that now. Air travel now is nothing but an exercise in torture and logistical nightmares involving calculations that defy me in every way. Don't even mention the prohibitive cost. Screw that. The "friendly skies" can kiss my ass.
^*^I have already spoken about my Lost Love Affair with the Mars Bar here. It is nothing short of tragic that I cannot buy this simple confection in the US. If any International Reader wants to hook me up with this fine sweet, email me. I remain morose.
^*^When I was a kid, I adored coloring pictures. I would sprawl out on the floor with my Crayola 64's and my Big Book of Nature coloring book and be in Heaven. Back then, the crayons colored wonderfully. They did not flake and curl and peel on the page when you pressed hard to make the colors dark and shiny. Now, crayons are crappy. And what is up with the new colors with the dorky names? Crayola keeps screwing around with crayon colors and, obviously, with their formula. And what is up with coloring books, too? Now they are all corporate bullshit. You can't find a decent coloring book. All they are is product tie-ins or licensed characters. That's lousy. Every once in a while, I'd still color a few pictures for a therapeutic effect if they made decent crayons and coloring books that weren't commercials for dolls and cartoons. If I tried to color now, it would just make me more pissed.
^*^Remember the days when the new TV season started in September and ended in June? And the shows were on certain days of the week? And you could count on that? NOT ANY MORE! Now, reruns happen IN THE SAME WEEK AND WITHOUT ANY SORT OF RHYME OR REASON. The TV season might start in January and end in March. A show might run on Tuesday and again on Thursday. The next week, it might run on Thursday. Then, the rerun might appear on Friday. WHO KNOWS? THEN THERE MIGHT BE A HIATUS! Does anyone know what happened to "House?" Did I miss something? Sigh. I feel like I'm getting mugged by TV.
^*^This one is a personal thing. About ten years ago, I went on a medicine to prevent my constant and debilitating migraines. It worked, and I'm so grateful. But, one of the side effects that remains is that I cannot drink any carbonated beverage. So, no soda for me. Every once in a while, I miss Diet Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper, even the occasional root beer. The only soft drink I drink is water. Water, water, water, water, water. It has also altered my tastebuds and there are certain flavors I can no longer discern, like tea. So, no iced tea either. The tradeoff is, of course, no more frequent migraines, but I miss soda.
^*^As a child of the seventies, I was a devotee of nylon bikini underwear. My older sis and I both wore it. We loved buying it at a local cheapo store in all kinds of wild patterns and colors. I still love it--it's comfortable, snug pants and skirts slide right over it, seams don't show, it's lightweight. Why is it impossible to find now? Everywhere you look for ladies' underwear, it is all cotton, microfiber, and ridiculously overpriced. IT IS JUST UNDERWEAR, PEOPLE. GOOD HEAVENS. And I am all about the bikini cut. No thong, no high-thigh cut, no boyshort bullshit. Come on. This should not be that tough. Yet it is.
Your turn, Stuff Readers. No matter your age, there have to be a few Things You Pine For, too. What are they?
6 comments:
wow. first and foremost, mars bars sound delicious...not sure ive ever had one. second, as your son i dont EVER want to hear about your underwear. i uderstand that we are real open and comfortable about things but...come on!
having said that, its also about impossible for me to find good bikini underwear as well.
ill leave that right there.
--
jpd
We just got back from a trip to Ireland you are right about the hassles. We went through security no fewer than three times each way - wouldn't you think once was enough? Can you buy bombs in the airport? I think not. And I totally could have brought you some Mars bars back. If only I had known.
Nylon underwear are not good for your lady parts. That is why you have such a difficult time finding them.
I can't imagine not drinking pop. Even though I don't drink it too much, I too would miss it dearly if I couldn't have any. Man. That. Sucks.
I noticed the other day while I was coloring with Micah that the crayons seemed different. I just figured it was because we have the "washable" variety. And seeing how much Micah likes to eat them, they must taste pretty good. Maybe that is the trade-off, better tasting, less waxy?
I like Mars bars too. But evidently not enough to notice that I can't buy one.
I have no idea what happened to House. So I did a little digging for you. Looks like it comes on Mondays at 8:00pm on Fox. Also seems that the world series was on instead of House for a week or so. So don't fret...it wasn't taken off the air.
I miss the Burger King Whopper. Yes, I know it's still there, but it isn't the same. When I was a liitle girl the Whopper was so big that my mom, my sister and I would share ONE WHOPPER. Now, the Whopper isn't much more than a regular 'ol hamburger.
Nina--RE: nylon underwear. i have two words for you, and they are these: cotton crotch. 'nuff said.
RE: the whopper. I KNOW! same here. when the whopper first came out, it was like 79 cents. my mom got one and each kid got a fourth. it was plenty. remember the Whaler, the BK fish sandwich which was also huge? it was the best fish sandwich ever. miss that, too.
RE: House. I know it was off for the Series, but before that, it seems like it ran reruns and disappeared altogether. Also, why were other shows yanked off so that TWO RETARDED DANCING SHOWS COULD BE PUT ON AT THE SAME TIME? Please.
Jan--Thank you for not only affirming my irritation, but for your kind offer regarding Mars Bars, which I think are the Official Candy Bar Of Ireland. They even deepfry them there. What heaven.
JPD--Oh, get the hell over yourself. It's not like I don't talk about my periods and my breast tenderness at the dinner table. Good heavens.
Now, regarding your lack of bikini underwear, that IS interesting. Most men's bikini underwear, in a very odd turn of events, lack a FLY. Why is that, do you think? I guess the manufacturers feel that, since the cut is so low-slung, you can just yank it down a little tiny bit lower and flop it all out from there, huh? ;-)
Ok, Nance and Jared, about the underwear details: TMI!!
Except for the hassles about flying (which I agree with you a million percent), I truly believe that I was not born one minute too soon. I like the instant availability of just about anything you want. With technology at its quickest, and the fact that I live in a huge city, there is almost nothing I can't get or do at a moment's notice. Can I run out to get a steak dinner at 3 in the morning? Can I see a show of pink transvestites walking hand in hand on Sunday morning? Yes to both questions; and it's not that I want to do either of those things (or any countless other things) but that I COULD if I wanted to.
I like the feeling of "the possibilities..."
And a special story about the Whopper. When it first came out oh so many years ago, my Dad insisted on calling it a Whooper (rhymes with cooper). As kids, we just thought at the time that he was being a dope, but he was really just winding us up. So it's a Whooper to me to this day.
Life--How funny that so many of us have Whopper/Whooper stories. I guess Burger King made a pretty big impact on our pop culture at the time, didn't it?
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